Jess Sims’ Life Was Changing Fast—Therapy Helped

“It just gave me permission to surrender to what is.”

“Why now?” I asked Jess Sims via Zoom back in July. “Why speak publicly about going to therapy now?” The Peloton instructor and ESPN reporter told me it was an interesting question. (Thanks!) In reality, no one’s ever thought to ask, she said, but she’s an open book.

Sims has gone to therapy at several points, and her most recent stint helped her process a period of deep uncertainty. She was navigating a significant career shift from education to fitness, plus her parents’ divorce after three decades of marriage. On top of that, Sims split from her boyfriend of four years. They’d supported each other through respective hardships and fully merged their worlds (home, pets…you know how it goes).

All of this happened in a relatively short timespan. “I just didn’t feel confident in my personal life [or] in my professional life,” Sims noted. “Usually one is a little bit stable, but when both personal and professional are off-kilter, it’s hard to walk through life feeling good about yourself or secure.”

Sims’ therapist urged her to proceed slowly. For example, Sims recalled, “[My therapist] was like, ‘You are not going to walk out of this relationship. You’re not going to run. You are going to crawl. But then you’re going to build yourself back up until you can start running again.’ It just gave me permission to surrender to what is.”

The stream of major change meant there was inevitably a lot outside of Sims’ control. So, focusing on what she could influence, in therapy, felt like she was gaining her power back, she said.

As you can imagine, it wasn’t easy. At first, Sims felt broken down and unsure what the future held. Along with taking baby steps, her therapist encouraged her to center the here and now. “I was standing on my past and I was worried about my future, and she wanted to not have either of those things. It’s like, ‘Let’s be in the present,’” Sims explained.

However, examining Sims’ past (without getting stuck there) did ultimately help her understand herself. Growing up, she often played a “mediator” role for her parents and felt responsible for keeping them happy. Sims’ therapist helped identify how she brought that same behavior into her four-year relationship and how she and her ex were not compatible in many ways. This allowed Sims to accept the breakup.

Aside from inner reflection and releasing the uncontrollables, therapy taught Sims the power of reframing your thoughts, especially when you brand situations as strictly good or bad. “Sometimes it just is. It doesn’t have to be good or bad. It’s what is real,” Sims said. “And when what is real happens, you let it come to you. You try not to label it … and who knows? The next day it could change.”

Sims’ therapist validated her struggles yet underlined her strength. “She kept me working towards the direction of my independence, and she didn’t judge me [when I] … needed to take a step back. She helped me by holding me accountable, by being compassionate,” Sims said. “She believed in me.” (Sounds like a recipe for growth, if you ask me.)

After a couple of years with that therapist, Sims felt as though she outgrew the sessions. (Honestly, that’s great!) She kept her life coach, whom she began seeing weekly while in therapy. With coaching, she’s able to problem-solve anything, like a work issue, and celebrate milestones, but she still addresses emotions. In that way, it feels therapeutic, Sims said.

When Sims’ father passed in 2023, her life coach supported her with practical stuff (think: navigating funeral prep) and some emotional aspects, like staying connected to him. Sims’ coach encouraged her to look for signs of him out in the world. “I see my dad everywhere,” she said. “That’s been very helpful in the grieving process.”

She continued, “I will literally play Luther Vandross, or I will watch a certain movie or listen to The Temptations or Earth, Wind & Fire, to connect with my dad and just feel it and let it all out.” Earlier this year, Sims’ life coach also reminded her that she can miss her dad but cry less than she used to. Both can be true.

Sims often talks about dual or overlapping truths while teaching Peloton classes. Specifically, she motivates people (myself included) to embrace being a “work in progress and a masterpiece at the same damn time.” (Never forget the “damn.” It’s essential.) I asked if she learned this in therapy and/or coaching. She said it’s an identity lesson she picked up in sessions and on her own.

“I’m a fitness instructor and a dog mom at the same time. I’m a fitness instructor and a broadcaster at the same time. … I’m Black and white. … I don’t have to choose,” Sims said. “I think my whole life is just based on duality.”