8 People Share Their Top Therapy Lessons

Self-compassion, helpful reframes, visualization, and more.

Therapy doesn’t fit everyone’s lifestyle. Talking about your weirdest, deepest thoughts and feelings? Facing trauma? Dissecting relationships? It’s difficult. It’s scary. It costs money! You might not find therapy worthwhile, and/or you may not have the financial means to even start.

However, therapy is for everybody in the sense that pretty much any person—regardless of symptoms or clinical diagnosis—can benefit from it. I’ve gathered this as a journalist who has interviewed a long list of mental health professionals and therapy-goers.

I’ve also gone to therapy during three separate seasons of my life, and I foresee times when I’d definitely return. My most recent stint in therapy lasted two-and-a-half years, though my therapist (hi, Becky!) told me that her goal was to watch me spread my worry-ridden wings and navigate generalized anxiety disorder without her.

According to Becky, when clients feel consistently better and more capable—and they’re OK going weeks sans therapy—that is a sign she’s doing her job. She calls this progress a type of “graduation,” and she’ll give us a metaphorical diploma, no problem, with the understanding that she’s there if we need.

“It’s an amazing thing to not need therapy!” she texted me as we were tapering down our sessions this past spring. “It’s always flexible.”

Therapy helps you unpack complicated emotions, cope with hardship, dive into self-discovery, and channel strength you forgot you had. It’s meant to be a safe, revealing, productive place. A place for weeding—and for growth.

No matter how much I believe in the healing power of therapy, I’d never push it on anyone (neither should mental health professionals, in my opinion). Don’t go if the timing is off or you can’t afford it. That said, if I can help clear the doubt and fear cemented between you and your first session, I want to remove those roadblocks. Bulldoze them flat.

Earlier this year, while preparing to launch Mental Loan on Substack, I asked therapy-goers to share a memorable lesson or tool they learned. One by one, I posted these snippets to Mental Loan’s Instagram; then, I realized they deserve further recognition (hence this article).

You’ll hear from eight people below. A few of them have hit pause on therapy, and others still attend. But they all, I’m happy to report, got something good out of it.

Sam, 30

“Some people in my life can’t and won’t change. My therapist taught me how to accept this—and stop trying to change them. He says to treat situations where I can’t control their behavior like I’m watching scenes from a play. When a character does something off-putting, I have no influence because I’m in the audience. This neutralizes my need for control.”

One word to describe therapy: “Retrospective”

Nick, 45

“One of the most memorable therapy lessons for me is while you can’t always control what happens to you, you can control how you respond. It seems obvious, but we often react emotionally instead of rationally, making a bigger mess of things. I’m not perfect. Still, I do try to lean on this mindset during tough days.”

One word to describe therapy: “Educational”

Ashley, 30

“Therapy taught me that my mind (and the world) has endless unexplored spaces. I used to see life as a clear path with obvious steps. But when I cut through uncertainty and sometimes pushed past my comfort zone, I found beauty I never knew existed.”

One word to describe therapy: “Enriching”

Maggie, 31

“My therapist recommended I practice visualization whenever I’m deciding on something (applying for a job, texting an ex, etc.). I imagine how I’ll feel after I do or don’t do it. This sounds simple, but it forces me out of my anxiety spiral and helps me get clear on what’s best for me in the moment. I always come back to this exercise.”

One word to describe therapy: “Enlightening”

Natasha, 30

“My therapist taught me what she calls the ‘both-and’ mentality: Two things can be true at once. Two truths can exist simultaneously. For example, you can be grateful for a new job while also grieving your old one. Allowing yourself to feel multiple emotions at the same time is important!”

One word to describe therapy: “Challenging”

Maria, 30

“My therapist pointed out that while I’m forgiving and understanding of others, I hold myself to an unrealistic, almost unachievable standard. For example, I give people the benefit of the doubt, but I’m much harsher on myself if I accidentally hurt someone I care about. My therapist encouraged me to apply that same grace inward, which completely shifted my mindset. I’ve been practicing self-compassion over criticism ever since.”

One word to describe therapy: “Grounding”

Rachel, 32

“The best thing therapy taught me was how to be on my own team. I used to criticize myself nonstop after every conversation or interaction, replaying how I could have done better. Now, rather than looking for faults, I’m able to give myself grace and make a case for how I actually did well. And even if I messed up, my therapist gave me permission to not always get things right—because that’s normal and human.”

One word to describe therapy: “A gift”

Abby, 30

“One of my favorite quotes from my therapist is, ‘Feelings are not always fact—they just show us what we care about.’ She taught me to sit with every single feeling and uncover what I need in the moment by looking past the initial emotion. Say I’m lonely in a big group setting, like a bar. I go to the bathroom, name that I feel left out (I use a feelings wheel app for extra help), and question if the feeling is objectively true. Am I being left out? Am I actually *alone*, or do I just need some form of connection? It’s typically the latter, so I go back out there and start talking to people. As someone who feels deeply, being able to pause and identify my emotions and needs greatly benefits me.”

One word to describe therapy: “Healing”